Growing Up

I never ever thought that life would go so much unlike how I thought it would go. I've heard ppl say that life never goes as planned, but I never could've imagined this. Unplanned was supposed to mean a career change, maybe an unexpected boyfriend, not totally and completely upside down. I wake up everyday and think of how I have no idea what's going to happen next, and it scares the buhjesus out of me. And at the same time, it's so exciting. I have no idea what's going to happen next. My life is kind of unplanned. And it's exciting. I was all about plans when I was younger. Had my whole life planned. Not detailed, of course, but basic ideas. Graduate high school with good grades, get into a good college, do really well, be involved, start a career, be really successful, make everyone proud, fall in love, get married, have the perfect life. And while some of those things, most of those things, are still very well possible, I see those ideas so differently now. Life isn't something that you plan and you wait for to happen. It's something that you gotta work at everyday. 'Cause life is only gonna give you what you put into it. It's not gonna give you your perfect plan, and it doesn't care how you thought it was supposed to be.

It doesn't care how you thought it was supposed to be. You gotta make life happen for you. I sit around dreaming, thinking of what I should be doing, how things should be, and all the while, that's all I'm doing, is sitting.

Life is really doing a number on me right now. I'm growing more than I ever thought I would. I guess this is what growing up is. I'm so scared and so happy.

For the first time in my life, I don't feel incomplete. I feel like everything I need is right here inside of me. It's not that I'm done growing, or I'm perfect, or I got it all together; it's just that I know that everything that I could ever need is right here inside of me. All I gotta do is believe that I can, and I can pull it right out from inside of me. Whatever I need.